if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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