but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
porn star boner night. come get it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
