I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
