Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
