the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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