you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
