That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
