Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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