I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize