And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
