I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
