Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
