Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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