im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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