We're facebook friends in real life
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
