Ambien. No doubt about it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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