I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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