I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
