Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
