Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
