There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
