the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
