I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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