i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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