I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
