Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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