just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
