It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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