There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
