I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
