OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
