apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
