If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize