i think my tv is drunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
