Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
