Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just pee around me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
