Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
