i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize