did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
