he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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