On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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