I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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