the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
