when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
