so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
