I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
