just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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