talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
