i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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