I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
