if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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