I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize