You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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