I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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