Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
