Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
