we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
