Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
