hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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