i don't like sucking hair
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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