his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
