dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
