I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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