My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
