How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
