So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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