am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
