I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
