her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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