I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
